Parties
I am a shy person. But that’s if I like you and I care if you like me back or not. I’m a slow person. But only if I’m trying to get to know you, and would like to be comfortable around you. I realized, after all the clubbing and partying, that if I don’t know you, I really don’t care how you see me at all.
I’d go to this club back then, which I believe was called Mosaik. I’m not sure what all the hype was all about, but some kids I knew were working there as bouncers. They’d ask for my ID, I’d only be able to pull out a South Tahoe High School student ID. My floormates would let me in anyways. I’d take the shots they hand me, down them, watch the girls dance with adult men that probably shouldn’t be there on a Thursday night. I’d be bored, sit on the side. I’d do it again, because everyone seems to be enjoying it. I went on and off until the end of freshman year.
I didn’t have to binge drink, but I would always do. I wasn’t attracted to white guys, but I’d dance with them anyway. They didn’t know I was barely 18, and I didn’t have to know where they work. It became more or less a social experiment. Who are these people? I don’t know. How did I get here? I don’t know. When do I uber home? Oh, the girl I came with went home with some guy she just met. Let me uber home anyway, or should I just bus home?
I’d get back to Morrison past midnight, cook instant ramen while worrying about gaining weight the following morning, then go to the study room, eat while chatting with whoever 's still in there. There’s always usually at least a familiar face or two. Whoevers up would be struggling with chemistry, or calculus. We’d chat about life, future, sometimes stay up until the sunrise.
ChatGPT 翻译：
我是一个害羞的人。但那是如果我喜欢你，并且我在乎你是否也喜欢我。我是一个慢热的人。但只有当我在试图了解你，并希望能在你身边感到自在的时候。我意识到，在经历了所有那些蹦迪和派对之后，如果我不认识你，那我真的一点也不在乎你怎么看我。
我那时候会去一个夜店，我记得好像叫 Mosaik。我不知道它到底为什么那么火，但我认识的一些人在那里做保安。他们会跟我要 ID，而我通常只能掏出一张南太浩高中的学生证。我的楼层朋友们还是会让我进去。我会接过他们递来的 shot，一口喝掉，看着女孩们和一些成年男人跳舞，而那些男人大概不该在周四晚上出现在这种地方。我会感到无聊，坐在一边。我会再来一次，因为大家好像都很享受。我一直断断续续地去，直到大一结束。
我并不需要酗酒，但我总是会。我并不被白人男生吸引，但我还是会和他们跳舞。他们不知道我才刚满 18，我也不需要知道他们是做什么的。这变得更像是一种社交实验。这些人是谁？我不知道。我是怎么来到这里的？我不知道。我什么时候打 Uber 回家？哦，那个和我一起来的女生刚刚和一个刚认识的男的一起走了。那我就自己打车回去？还是坐公交？
我会在半夜回到 Morrison，煮一碗方便面，同时担心第二天会不会长胖，然后走进学习室，一边吃一边和还在那里的某个人聊天。那里通常总会有一两个熟面孔。谁还醒着，谁就在为化学或者微积分挣扎。我们会聊生活、聊未来，有时候会一直待到天亮。