冲动、情绪化，在我看来是非常糟糕的词语。我爸总是说，你妈就是情绪化、她就是比较冲动、刀子嘴豆腐心。我不确定她有没有豆腐心，但她一定有刀子嘴、还不是普通的刀子嘴，更像是细细手术刀，轻轻地划开你、在致命三寸停住、反反复复反反复复。我讨厌被这样的恐惧控制，我开始冷冻自己。后来在大学里发现，这叫dissociative，可能这也是为什么我妈的同事总说我是外星人的原因。

是不是外星人我不确定，但我一定是有情绪的。看起来，还不少。如果要说有个节点，一定是在封神过劳。事实上，基本上没有人逼我做什么，领导、老师们（有生之年没想到有人能叫我“孙老师”）都关爱有加，而且总体上来说还是非常愿意听取意见的。我想尝试所有可以尝试的事情，但与我想象的完全相反，我一点都不擅长沟通。他们只好把我从我最想去的拍摄现场，拉到了办公楼后台，但看到每天源源不断积极来扫描室scan表情（FACS, something like this: https://www.gentlegiantstudios.com/services/3d-scanning-services/vfx-head-and-facs-scanning/)、服装做digital double(类似这个，原供应商叫pixel light，刚没找到网站：https://www.digitalrealitylab.com/digital-doubles），我还是很开心的。

我完全没有想到有这么多群演都有这么仔细制作的戏服、有时有一天换三套、而且会在上面做各种脏妆、伤妆，这是我完全没见过的阵仗。在这之前，只在诺亦腾做过很小的一个set的《鼠胆英雄》（喜剧演员某人，不记得了。郭德纲？类似）的previs，整部电影的预演都做了。在北京最北边某五环外的某村里的棚里，夏天棚里都没有空调，花了一个多月的时间，我当时还被某助理疯狂穿小鞋，可以说是很不想回忆的一段过往。因此，这样的场面还是让我非常惊叹。

每个演员、每类别的角色配有不同的服装助理统筹每场戏，确保每个人每场戏每套衣服都吻合当前拍摄的镜头。除此之外，服装部（美术部下的）还有应该至少一百号随时待命的很厉害的裁缝师傅，随时准备根据剧本的修改或者其他突发情况改戏服。

说是裁缝师傅，但他们是有审美的，是有工匠精神的，是年轻的，是细心的，是有个性的，温暖的。大都是20出头或者30出头的、跟我年纪差不太大的孩子们。他们总是很耐心的听我们的需求、很认真的确认、很仔细的签字确认这是正确的（确认页的主意也不是我想出来的，还得谢谢第三副导时诺。时诺，如果你在读的话：抱歉、我删了微信、如果可以的话，再联系我。抱歉你给我发的你写的剧本我一直没看完，现在看还来得及吗？）。我时常惊叹于他们的纯粹（https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV14P41187kv?p=4&spm_id_from=333.788.videopod.episodes，基本属实；另，看到我名字了吗、笑）。

ChatGPT Translation:

Impulsiveness and being emotional—those are very negative words in my mind.

My dad always said, “Your mom’s just emotional. She’s impulsive. Sharp tongue, soft heart.”

I’m not sure if she really had a soft heart, but she definitely had a sharp tongue—not just any sharp tongue, more like a surgical scalpel. She’d slice you open lightly, stopping right at the fatal three inches. Over and over again. Again and again.

I hated being controlled by that kind of fear. I started freezing myself.

Later in college, I found out that’s called dissociation. Maybe that’s why my mom’s coworkers always said I seemed like an alien.

I don’t know if I’m an alien—but I definitely have emotions.

A lot of them, actually.

If I had to point to a turning point, it was during Creation of the Gods—I was overworked to the edge.

To be honest, no one really forced me to do anything. The producers, the team leads (I never thought I’d live to hear someone call me “Ms. Sun”)—they were all kind and supportive, open to feedback.

I wanted to try everything. But contrary to what I believed about myself, I wasn’t good at communication at all.

Eventually, they had to pull me out from the set I wanted to be on the most and send me to the backstage office.

But even so, seeing people come in every day to do facial expression scans (FACS, something like this: https://www.gentlegiantstudios.com/services/3d-scanning-services/vfx-head-and-facs-scanning/) and suit up for digital doubles (something like this—original supplier was Pixel Light, couldn’t find the site: https://www.digitalrealitylab.com/digital-doubles), I was still really happy.

I had no idea so many extras had such meticulously designed costumes—sometimes three changes a day—with dirt and wound effects applied to each. I’d never seen anything on this scale.

Before this, I’d only worked on a small previs set for Coward Hero at Noitom. (A comedy starring… someone—I don’t remember. Guo Degang? Someone like that.)

We did the full previsualization for the film. That was in a studio way outside the Fifth Ring in northern Beijing.

It was summer, no AC in the warehouse, and I spent over a month there. I was constantly sabotaged by one of the assistants.

Honestly, it was a chapter I never wanted to revisit.

So being on a big set like this—it really blew me away.

Each actor and each category of character had different costume assistants managing continuity across scenes—making sure every outfit matched the exact frame we were shooting.

And beyond that, the costume department (under Art) had, I’d guess, at least a hundred on-call tailors—ready to adjust costumes at any time based on script changes or emergencies.

And they weren’t just “tailors”—they had real taste.

They were craftspeople. Young, thoughtful, stylish, warm.

Mostly in their 20s and 30s—around my age.

They always listened to our needs carefully, confirmed everything seriously, and made sure we signed off properly to avoid mistakes.

(That sign-off system wasn’t even my idea—thanks to the 3rd assistant director, Shinuo. Shinuo, if you’re reading this: sorry I deleted WeChat. If it’s possible, reach out again. Also—sorry I never finished reading the script you sent me. Is it too late now?)

I’m often stunned by how pure they are.

(Video link: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV14P41187kv?p=4&spm_id_from=333.788.videopod.episodes — it’s mostly accurate. Also—did you see my name there? lol.)