孙建龙声称自己是来给我做饭、照顾我的，这里面有一部分实话。11月份之后我的状况一直不好，那附近和Daiga的妈妈大吵一架。我吵这个架更多是为了Daiga和他妹妹美音。我和他妈妈之间其实没有矛盾，两个成年女性之间的理解、一些大小的事情上的不同都不是什么大问题。这次惹到我，主要是我意识到了一直以来她对待Daiga和美音的方式对他们两个造成了极大的心理障碍。这种心理障碍影响到了我和Daiga的正常交往，他时常因为各种大小事焦虑、偏头痛。他妹妹也是一样。

这很奇怪，对不对？一方面，她支持我的康复、照顾我。一方面，她拒绝我带来的改变，偶尔会尝试，但是更多的是害怕我带来的太多改变会让他们难以适应。她非常努力的在家里维持某些不变的传统，不管是哪类别的菜肴、需要用哪些特定的餐具，还是新年Osechi，汉字是“御節料理”。她有很多她会保持的仪式感，以她的方式保持家庭的一些传统、文化、和习俗。我尊重她的选择，我也理解她想让我做出一些习惯上的改变。每次只要她要求、有合理的理由，我都可以理解。如果我无法满足，我也会和她解释。我一直认为我和她的沟通虽然方式不同、但从传递信息、合作协同的角度来说，是没有问题的。

虽然我和Daiga是男女朋友，但她一直以来并没有用对待她儿子的方式对待我。这其实很有趣。我和她一起的时候，她展现出的是我们平辈、平等的交往方式，有来往、有沟通，不仅仅是我联系她，她也会回应我的一些问题。但是在她和他儿子交往时，她是专制、霸道、攻击性极强、压抑性极强的。很长一段时间里的我没有完全的理解这点，因为只有和我沟通的时候大家会用英文，否则都是日语。有点类似他们在都在一个频道上，我和他们剩下的人说英语的时候在另外一个频道上。英文频道和日语频道之间的区别不仅仅是语言，神态、语气、什么可以说什么不能说、什么样的行为可以被接受、不能被接受，甚至态度，都区别很大。

说英文的时候，更轻柔、得体、试探、更多解释。日语短促、时而开心、时而埋怨、时而嘲笑，情绪多样。之前的相处是得体的、适当的、有分寸的。但结婚之后再去的时候，情况不一样了。

第一次结婚之后去拜访，还是彬彬有礼的样子。第二次去的时候，不知道是因为恰巧遇到他们家的小儿子和小儿子的女朋友在家，岳母开始脾气暴躁、阴阳怪气、文不对题、缺乏任何沟通能力，只会大吼大叫。同时，家里的各种规矩、各种莫名其妙的理由严重影响了我的日常生活，比如自己买了香薰蜡烛需要她批准、我做饭必须经过她的同意、不然就是必须按照她的菜谱、或者必须接受她的指教，甚至连小儿子都过来说，你做饭就应该做给全家，不能做给自己，简直让我瞠目结舌。直接当时决定怒写剧本《Get Out》东亚婆媳版本。这个版本我还是会写的，请拭目以待。

ChatGPT translation:

Sun Jianlong claimed he came to cook for me and take care of me—there’s some truth in that. Since November, I hadn’t been doing well, and around that time, I had a big argument with Daiga’s mom. I fought that argument more for Daiga and his sister Mion. There wasn’t really any personal conflict between me and his mom—mutual understanding between two adult women, and some minor differences in day-to-day matters, were never a big deal. What triggered me this time was the realization that the way she had always treated Daiga and Mion had created serious psychological obstacles for both of them. These psychological burdens were affecting my relationship with Daiga—he often got anxious or migraines over all kinds of small things. His sister was the same.

It’s strange, isn’t it? On one hand, she supports my recovery and takes care of me. On the other hand, she rejects the changes I bring into the family. Sometimes she tries, but more often, she’s afraid the changes I bring will be too much for them to adapt to. She works really hard to maintain certain unchanged traditions at home—whether it’s what kind of dishes to cook, which specific utensils must be used, or preparing New Year’s Osechi (written in kanji as “御節料理”). She maintains many rituals in her own way, preserving traditions, culture, and customs within the family. I respect her choices, and I understand her desire for me to adjust some of my habits. Whenever she makes a request and gives a reasonable explanation, I’m always willing to understand. And if I can’t meet it, I’ll explain why. I’ve always believed that while our communication styles are different, when it comes to conveying information and cooperating, we’ve had no problem.

Although Daiga and I are in a relationship, she has never treated me the same way she treats her son—and that’s actually quite interesting. When she interacts with me, it’s as if we’re peers—equal, reciprocal, communicative. It’s not just me reaching out to her, she also responds to my questions. But when she interacts with her son, she is authoritarian, domineering, aggressively controlling, and extremely suppressive. For a long time, I didn’t fully grasp this, because English was only used when people were speaking to me—otherwise, everything was in Japanese. It was as if they were all on one channel, and I was on another when speaking to them in English. The difference between the English channel and the Japanese channel isn’t just the language—it includes expressions, tone, what can and cannot be said, what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable, and even the overall attitude—it’s all very different.

When speaking English, everything is softer, more polite, tentative, with more explanations. In Japanese, it’s abrupt—sometimes cheerful, sometimes complaining, sometimes mocking—very emotionally varied. Our previous interactions had been polite, appropriate, and well-measured. But after the wedding, when I visited again, it was a different story.

The first visit after the wedding, she was still courteous. But the second time I visited—maybe it was because the younger son and his girlfriend happened to be home—my mother-in-law suddenly became irritable, passive-aggressive, incoherent, completely unable to communicate, and just yelled constantly. At the same time, all sorts of house rules and bizarre reasoning seriously disrupted my daily life. For example, I needed her approval just to use a scented candle I had bought; I had to get her permission to cook, otherwise I had to follow her recipes, or accept her instructions. Even the younger son came and told me, “If you’re going to cook, you should cook for the whole family, not just for yourself.” I was speechless. That was the exact moment I decided I’d angrily write Get Out: East Asian Mother-in-Law Edition. And I still will. Stay tuned.