Death inspires a lot of art, but living inspires more. Last year, I got married, and funny story, is the same person I always thought I probably would marry but was not sure about for a long time. I’m still unsure about it, not because of him, but because I don’t have too much confidence in myself. Marriage is hard work, everyone says. I’m not good at working hard, I give up quickly, I’m easily daunted if I couldn’t be clueless, and I heard marriage was for life, “until death do us apart” they said. It sounded more like a curse than an oath. 

We walked in to the Alameda County Office on that day, thinking we could get our license that day, only to be told that we’d need to schedule for a ceremony, have at least one witness attending, and the officiating person representing the county doesn’t count. 

A witness? We asked around and a friend of his was nice enough to immediately agree to coming to be a witness, and said he “would be honored to do so”. The next day, I put on a white dress thrifted for $12, and he had some Korean oversized blazer with a thin silver chain. I was running late, but I had to take a hit, what am i doing, is this a good idea, lets do it anyway. 

Jack was in a very nice suit, he seemed excited. He’s doing the same with Emily soon. They were going to have a wedding in Big Sur. We grabbed the officiating person, and the four of us crammed into an elevator heading toward the ceremonial room on the second floor. “It’s not too late to back out!” The guy jokes. I looked at him dead in the eye, “that’s what divorces are for, right? “ 

I was very annoyed with the whole process, I don’t understand why they couldn’t just give me the license. What’s up with all these redundancies, I thought. What’s up wit the vow exchange and the kiss? Why am i being required to be seen at this intimate moment? Why are we saying until death do us apart, is that a good idea, are you sure, I’m not sure, but lets try it. 

It was a strange idea to me, witness, as if we were not seen by a third person we wouldn’t exist.  I didn’t understand the social implications of a marriage yet, and i didn’t want to. Let’s see how far it goes, I thought. I would like be an hopeless romantic, if I could, let me be.