我知道有人很关心这些问题。知道有人很关心cannibas和psilocybin和的问题，其实不必过度反应，这不是什么延迟的青春期的叛逆。我真的只是2020年之后出院后，因为长期头痛、当时确实除了大麻暂时没有别的好的解决方案。2019年的时候，合法大麻的产业在加州已经非常蓬勃：外送糖、thc油做的笔、flower、细的pre-roll、粗的blunt、卷纸可以是带crytal可以不带，每次我乱买一通，到现在其实都不记得什么是什么。

最近我爸在家，我抽了一周之后，他终于问我是不是女士烟？为什么没味道。我说，差不多、比烟好、不会上瘾。我没撒谎，产生依赖的用户少于10%，严格意义上来说不算是上瘾的substance了。后来，我在手机上发现我爸偷偷拍了包装，估计已经偷偷查了。于是为了掩人耳目（虽然家里就3人），我这周换到糖、顺便发现了一挺喜欢的品牌。

现在，外送已经倒闭了。在家5分钟步行不到就有一家做的不错的lounge，叫Urbana（我讨厌这个名字，跟遇到某前男友的地方同名：但宣传一波，既然都是邻居、以后肯定常见面：https://urbananow.com/urbana-weed-dispensary-oakland/menu/featured）。因为真的太近，bart都会路过，最近经常去。周末人比较多，大家喝酒闲聊。店里据说还有只员工家的斗牛犬会出来和客人互动、目前每次去还都只看到她的床，期待下次相遇。工作人员都很可爱、且有点害羞；留着胡子的小哥说我可以下午来，在这边安静写点东西，他可以把店里的某强vaporizer借我（Storz & Bickel Mighty+，https://www.gearpatrol.com/home/best-weed-vaporizers），掏出来的时候有点吓到我、机关枪一样，期待尝试。

上周末自己去某店 (Zide Door: Church of Entheogenic Plants, https://zidedoor.com)买了些蘑菇，那之前还没去店里买过；之前在芝加哥一直从朋友介绍的dealer那里买，种类单一、品质一般。虽然dealer菲律宾小哥有些帅气阳光，但也没想买第二次。

我知道蘑菇在旧金山已经被decriminalized, 意思是他们无法因为你持有和使用psilocybin而抓捕你，但也没有合法化、所以不会被加税。这种没被加税但半规范的状况我挺喜欢的。我假装自己是这个church的一员，申请之后获得有效期一个月的会员卡、在经过两位持枪壮汉在布满监控器显示屏的入口房间安检之后、签字说自己不会照相、录像、或者在有法律纠纷的时候不会提供证词之后（先写着，我只是文字描述不算打破协议吧，有问题再删。要图吗？可以贴产品的图、店里的图没有）、可以进去最里面挑选产品，所有的交易以宗教和捐款的形式进行（笑）。

里面看起来二十出头的有点surfer boy模样的员工看起来心情不错，我很快决定了买他推荐的巧克力以及an eighth of each of 2种不同价位的蘑菇（想比较）。我对象特地取的、以为绰绰有余现金被我全部花完。员工很好奇，问我们周末什么计划？我没意识到他是想问我们买这些在什么场合使用。我说，周末？有家博物馆免费，打算去看，我没说是museum of the african diaspora；我刚刚认识你、不需要具体告诉你具体哪家吧？他说deyoung不错。我心想，deyoung除了特展也没其他好看的；我想他应该是在说空间、建筑本身、和靠近golden gate park的地理位置。事实上，我有机会就带Moira去。

到了结完账打算离开才理解到他的意思，我脑补了一句，我只是打算现在回家边看书边吃。还好我没说出来，不然假设他问什么书，我是不会答的。这个对话已经拉的太长了，我只想一手交钱一手交货。对象却说，他人不错诶，我们再来几次会不会成为朋友？我回头看了看他，真的要搞这种和dealer成为朋友的cliche吗（笑）？转念一想，我遇到的每个人、每家店，目前为止可能都是我遇到的最友好的一批陌生人、好像没有之一。比某些西装笔挺、道貌岸然、downtown金融区的的某些，和自以为天之骄子、脱离公司衣服都不会洗、调酒都不会的tech bros也好太多了（不要代入、笑）。

既然，我爸和我的主治医生都没说什么（cannabis use: uncomplicated***)，你们也别说什么了，我理解，但不会改变（笑）。如果你真的很好奇，可以看看Netflix的纪录片（https://www.netflix.com/title/80229847），了解一下这些substance被严格控制的历史原因、以及对mental illness可能有的巨大贡献，我们需要做的不是stigmatize，应该积极开放research，并同时积极监管、和建立适当regulations。

ChatGPT Translation:

I know some people really care about this topic. I know some of you are really concerned about cannabis and psilocybin—but honestly, there’s no need to overreact. This isn’t some delayed teenage rebellion. After I was discharged from the hospital in 2020, I had constant headaches. At the time, cannabis was pretty much the only effective solution available.

By 2019, California’s legal cannabis industry was already booming—gummies delivered to your door, THC oil pens, flower, slim pre-rolls, thick blunts, rolling papers with or without crystals… I used to buy random stuff without really knowing what I was getting. To this day, I still can’t remember which product was which.

Recently, my dad’s been staying with me. After a week of me smoking, he finally asked if it was “lady cigarettes”—why no smell? I said, “Something like that. It’s better than regular cigarettes and not addictive.” That wasn’t a lie. Fewer than 10% of users develop dependency, so technically, it’s not considered an addictive substance. Later, I found out my dad had secretly taken a photo of the packaging on his phone—he probably already looked it up. So to be less obvious (even though there are only three of us at home), I switched to edibles this week—and discovered a brand I actually really like.

The delivery service I used has shut down. But there’s a nice lounge just five minutes from my place called Urbana (I hate the name—it shares a name with a place where I ran into an ex. But anyway, shout-out to the neighborhood: https://urbananow.com/urbana-weed-dispensary-oakland/menu/featured). Since it’s so close—literally right on the BART line—I’ve been going often. Weekends are a bit crowded, people drinking and chatting casually. The shop reportedly has a bulldog that belongs to one of the staff and sometimes hangs out with guests. I’ve only ever seen her bed so far—still waiting to meet her.

The staff are all super sweet, a bit shy even. One bearded guy said I could come by in the afternoon to sit and write, and he’d lend me one of the store’s powerful vaporizers (Storz & Bickel Mighty+: https://www.gearpatrol.com/home/best-weed-vaporizers). When he pulled it out, I was a little startled—it looked like a machine gun. Can’t wait to try it.

Last weekend, I went by myself to a shop called Zide Door: Church of Entheogenic Plants (https://zidedoor.com/) and picked up some mushrooms. I hadn’t bought from a shop before—back in Chicago, I used to get them through a dealer a friend introduced. He was a sunny Filipino guy, kind of handsome, but honestly the quality was mid, so I never went back.

I know mushrooms have been decriminalized in San Francisco. That means you can’t be arrested for possession or personal use of psilocybin, but it’s not legal, so there’s no tax. I actually like this in-between state—not taxed, but still semi-regulated.

I pretended to be a member of the “church” and got a one-month membership card. After passing a security check guarded by two heavily armed dudes in a surveillance-monitor-filled entry room, I had to sign a waiver saying I wouldn’t take photos or videos and wouldn’t testify in any legal disputes (note: just writing about it doesn’t count as breaking the agreement, I think… if it’s a problem I’ll delete this. Want pics? I can post product photos, just not of the store).

Inside, a surfer-boy-looking guy in his early twenties seemed in a good mood. I quickly decided on a chocolate bar he recommended, and an eighth each of two different types of mushrooms (wanted to compare). My partner brought what we thought was more than enough cash—turned out I used it all.

The staff guy asked what we were planning for the weekend—I didn’t realize he was asking about how we planned to use the mushrooms. I said, “The weekend? There’s a museum with free admission, we’re planning to check it out.” I didn’t say it was the Museum of the African Diaspora; I’d just met you, I don’t need to tell you exactly where, right? He said DeYoung is nice. I thought, “Other than special exhibits, DeYoung isn’t that great.” I figured he meant the space, the building, or maybe just the location near Golden Gate Park. Honestly, I take Moira there whenever I get the chance.

Only after we paid and were leaving did I realize what he meant. I mentally added, “I’m just going to go home, read, and nibble on it.” Thank god I didn’t say that out loud—what if he asked me what book I was reading? I wouldn’t have answered. The conversation had already gone on too long. I just wanted a clean transaction. My partner, though, said, “He’s nice. If we come back a few more times, maybe we’ll be friends?” I looked back at him—are we really doing this cliché, becoming friends with the dealer? 😂

But then again, come to think of it—every single person I’ve met so far, every shop, has probably been the kindest batch of strangers I’ve ever come across. Like… genuinely. Better than some of those suited-up, self-righteous finance bros downtown. Or those “I’m God’s chosen one” tech bros who don’t even do their own laundry or know how to make a proper drink (no shade—okay, maybe a little 😂).

Since neither my dad nor my psychiatrist said anything (chart note: cannabis use: uncomplicated**), you don’t need to say anything either. I get it—but I’m not changing. (lol) If you’re really curious, check out this Netflix documentary: https://www.netflix.com/title/80229847. It talks about the historical reasons behind the strict control of these substances, and their potential value in treating mental illness. What we need isn’t more stigma, but more open research, alongside proper regulation and oversight.

image by Daiga Shinohara, all rights reserved